Some Things....

You just have to blog about.  A word of warning: if you have stumbled across this page without knowing me, or you don't feel you need to know all the intimate details that make up my life, please feel free to check out any of my other posts, but this one is going to get quite a bit personal.

You may not know, but Kayla and I have been trying to get Brenna a sibling for about a year now.  The major roadblock has been that the doctor we have here is unwilling to provide us the shot we took last time to get pregnant for several reasons which I don't have the time or desire to get into at the present time.  Suffice to say that I had the most awkward and unusual experience of my short life this past Thursday.  Why has it taken so long to blog about this experience, you say?  I think once I explain this visit in its entirety, you'll see why.  So what I went to see a urologist in San Antonio (because we are in the smack dab middle of the back woods here and don't have anything near that type of doctor here) for a general analysis to see if something with my "boys" might be the cause of why we have been unable to this point to get pregnant.

So once I arrive in at this office and hand in my insurance information to the front person and then ask about going to the restroom because I've been on the road for an hour and a half, and they inform me that they will need a "sample" and might as well get it while I was in there rather than wait for the doctor to see me. That enough should have been enough to send this right up to the top of the awkward doctor visit list, but apparently they were just getting started.  Did you know they actually have instructions in these bathrooms on how to pee into a cup?  Did you know there are diagrams?  At this point the ladies reading this are saying, "well yeah!", but I'm guessing my fellas are as surprised as I was.  

So I get called back and after a few minutes of waiting I meet with the doctor who after some pleasantries tells me to please "drop your trousers and let's have a look."  Now for some of you this might be a part of your normal everyday routine, but for me that was the continuation of the strangeness, but I think the weirdest part was either he was so detached or I was that it really felt like it was myself checking things out in the basement.  How bizarre is that? 

 

Anyway, after the initial exam he informs me that he wants to take some blood samples and orders a testicular ultrasound.  Just in case you were wondering, not nearly as interesting and exciting as an ultrasound when there is a baby involved.  The tech comes into the room to draw my blood and two things had me a little concerned: first-they drew a lot of blood, enough to make me feel a little woozy, and second was the way they wrapped my arm up once the blood was out.  Apparently men are too macho to earn a band-aid, we're cool enough for neon gauze like the kind pictured to the left (mine was neon green), and she wrapped it with so much and so tightly that if I had been asked to play my instrument at that point in time, I wouldn't have been able to!  

So up next was the ultrasound.  I go into this room where yet another guy tells me to drop my pants (an all-time high for men telling me to take my pants off), and he informs me that my ultrasound will be "audited" by a female tech who is learning how to take the ultrasound.  They proceed to begin the procedure like I'm not in the room, but fortunately for you my ears still worked and I found out that they have to use really warm KY jelly so that the "boys" don't shrivel up and they can take good pictures, they also use A LOT of the stuff for some reason that was not explained.  They then take pictures of my guys from all different angles occasionally giving me a heart attack by saying  comforting things like "oh, that's interesting...", and "do you see that right there?", and my personal favorite: "Huh!"  The entire time I have two thoughts going through my head: 1) no wonder we haven't been contacted by other intelligent life, because honestly, what intelligent life would do this to one another, and 2) Please don't let Jesus come back with my fellas hanging out for all the world to see, I just think when I meet my Creator I would like to be wearing pants in some form or fashion.  Anyway, they finish up the exam and tell me everything looks fine, but they would like to see me for a semen analysis in a few weeks followed by a follow up exam the week after.  So, as uncomfortable as this may have been to read, it's kind of like therapy for me and really what is a blog if not therapy for the writer?  Stay tuned for more squirm in your seat action!